One of the first things that I was informed of was that we create our reality. That, as hard as I fought against it, we are the masters of our fate, and as inconceivable as it may seem, we agreed on some level to have this life experience. So for the last 22 years I have known this information. But it has only really 'clicked' last year.
The trigger for this was my divorce. My ex-husband chose to leave me and marry a friend of mine. Our divorce was final in Dec '11. And even though it was not an angry one, it was still hurtful. Over the years I did whatever I could to follow the teaching that I had learned and resisted the call of my ego to be vengeful and mean spirited. Because in the end, I wanted to look back and have no regrets.
In the beginning, I pushed my fears aside and just tried to get through the day. I had been married 34 years and one of the things I was most grateful for during my marriage was to have someone who had a knack for making things better. Now I was on my own and it scared me. As I got better at living, I let the fears show themselves and I applied techniques that have helped me in the past. Time passed. I found that the more I allowed myself to see where the fear came from, the easier and quicker it was to release.
Six years later, as I am stopped in rush hour traffic, I am letting my mind wander and suddenly I get the thought that I have created the life I am living. It's a good life. I laugh a lot, and have a good time with my kids and friends. That is when realization hits. I agreed to being separated from the man that I was married to for so long. I agreed to be on a different path, to go my own way. To fumble through making decisions the best that I can.
It took my divorce for me to actually 'get' something I have known for 22 years.
There will be times that you may notice that I repeat things. Maybe it will help you to finally, really, 'get' something that you have always known.
Namasté and Aloha,
Cheryl